Lately a lot has been happening and I am not sure where to start.
In September I quit my job, I know, what was I thinking? And that’s the thing, some would say I wasn’t but I know deep down it was the best choice for me. I had been suffering with work for far too long and it was finally time to break free and put myself first instead of my bank account.
For nearly 3 months I was out of work, unmotivated and severely mentally ill. Doctors recommended counselling that I knew wouldn’t work for me (trust me, been there done that) and so I was at a lost cause. I eventually found a job working night shifts at a supermarket and I am enjoying it, although it is not something I see myself doing for long.
What is even better is that I have been diagnosed with Depression officially by my doctor and after a long battle can finally start Anti-Depressents. It is crazy how long I have had to fight for this and the system really needs looking at.
So with a new job and mindset in sight I started to evaluate my friendships. In order to get better I needed to remove every negative person in my life, and believe me a lot of people went. My best friend of 13 years, a friend that made no effort to see me and people who simply used me for my car. Many friends took advantage of me and despite my mum telling me this, I would refuse to believe it. Suddenly, after all this time it had become clear to me; I was being used.
It dawned on me that when I desperately needed support and help, no one was there to offer it. My ‘friends’ didn’t care. Except when they were in need of help, they’d come running to me and like a fool I would be there. Because I knew what it felt like to need help and despite never receiving it, I would always give it.
Trust me, you soon become fed up. You soon get tired of being the only good friend. I would rather have no one, then every fake one.
It is like God heard me and He sent something good in my life after a long time of being lost. Today I reconnected with a very old friend who was the only one to ask me if I was okay. She let me talk and talk and I hadn’t felt that happy and comftorble in a long time. People that you think have left your life may sometimes come back. What I have learnt? Don’t let the good ones go!
And so that’s the update. I have been feeling lost for a long time and can finally start to get better and concentrate on myself and boy does it feel good.